Why We Start the New Year with “All or Nothing” Thinking—and How to Break the Cycle

By: Javonna MaeRhys

As January 1st rolls around each year, I find myself brimming with enthusiasm and a list of intentions a mile long: optimize my time, lose weight, read more books—you name it. Determined to kick off the year right, I sign up for a 30-day challenge that requires me to commit to something every single day. I'm convinced that this will be the push I need to become the best version of myself.

But then life happens. An unexpected work deadline pops up, a family obligation takes more time than I anticipated, or maybe I'm just plain exhausted. I miss a day. I feel that familiar pang of guilt and decide to double up the next day to make up for it. But doubling up feels overwhelming, and soon enough, I've missed another day. Before I know it, the challenge that once excited me now feels like a burden, and I'm left feeling defeated.

Why do we do this to ourselves every year? Why does the start of a new year trigger this “all or nothing” mindset that sets us up for disappointment before we've even really begun?

The Real Reason Behind Our January Hustle

I think it's because we're not fully present with who we are right now. We envision this shiny, future version of ourselves—confident, productive, effortlessly crushing goals—and decide to pour all our energy into getting there as quickly as possible. In our rush to become that ideal self, we forget to appreciate the person we are in this moment.

By fixating on who we think we should be, we're sending ourselves a subtle but powerful message that who we are now isn't enough. We get caught up in the hustle, pushing ourselves to prove our worth through achievements and checklists. And when the inevitable hiccup happens—when life throws us a curveball and we stumble—the “all” in our “all or nothing” mentality crumbles, leaving us with nothing but self-doubt and frustration.

Striving with Presence and Intention

But here's the thing: it's absolutely okay to be ambitious and set goals. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve ourselves. The key is balancing that drive with mindfulness. Instead of sprinting toward an idealized future, we can pause and ask ourselves, What do I truly want right now? What feels right for me at this moment?

Mindfulness practices like meditation, yoga, breathwork, journaling, or even hashing things out with a coach can be incredibly grounding. They help us stay connected to the present, to appreciate where we are on our journey, and to set intentions that genuinely resonate with us.

By being present, we allow ourselves to set goals that align with our true selves, rather than chasing after someone we're not. This presence helps us move away from the “all or nothing” mindset and towards a more compassionate and sustainable approach to personal growth.

The Freedom in Letting Go of “All or Nothing”

So this year, I'm choosing to let go of that “all or nothing” mentality. I'm giving myself permission to be flexible, to understand that missing a day doesn't equate to failure. Instead of doubling up to catch up, I'm focusing on consistency over perfection. I'm allowing myself to enjoy the journey, to celebrate small wins, and to learn from the setbacks without self-judgment.

By embracing who I am right now, I'm finding that my goals feel more attainable and my motivation more genuine. I'm still striving, but I'm doing it with intention and self-compassion. And you know what? It feels liberating.

As we step into the new year, maybe we can all give ourselves a little grace. Let's aim to be present, to set goals that reflect who we truly are, and to remember that progress isn't a straight line. After all, lasting change comes from a place of self-love and acceptance—not from a relentless pursuit of perfection.

This year, let's make it a goal not just to do more, but to be more present. Because when we're connected to the moment, every step we take—no matter how small—is a step in the right direction.

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